A little birdie has told us that Blizzard may announce that it will allow WOW to allow players to pay a one time fee of $100,000 to live in a pod where they will be permanently hooked into WOW and able to play for all eternity. What effect this would have on the demand for snack food and porn can only be hypothesized until this business plan comes to fruition.

You’ve all been waiting for it, and by all of you, I mean all of you that are under 18 that also liked High School Musical 3. It’s official: Guitar Hero: Jonas Brothers. Players will have the option of playing as Nick, Joe, or Kevin through out the Jonas Brothers’ career. As for the available difficulty levels, initially, developer Neversoft didn’t even want to put in a medium difficulty level or anything higher. A short while later, Mickey Mouse stopped by to change Neversoft’s mind and calmly explained why it was important that the game sell well with a difficulty that matched the band’s guitar skills. Needless to say, Mickey got his way. Additionally, each copy of the game will come with a purity ring that must be worn while playing for the game to work.

Gears of War 3 will only keep the fun parts of the previous two games in the series by only allowing players to hit each other with chainsaws and guns that shoot chainsaws. No other weapons in the game have been shown, granted it was hard to see through all of the blood and awesomeness spewing out of the characters. While this may sound like a shallow weapon set to most players, the actual application of the weapon set seems to work quite well. Our jaws dropped pretty far when we saw Player 1 impale Player 2 with a chainsaw at 100 yards, only to see Player 2 jerk the chainsaw out of his torso and use it to kill Player 3. This is definitely going to be on our Christmas list.

Set to debut at E3 and taking place in a Vietnam War setting, Metal Gear Solid 5 seems ready to blow us all away. Big Boss will be forced to live among Viet Cong and deploy all kinds of different deception methods against friend and foe alike. MGS5 is going to continue where MGS3:Snake Eater left off by allowing players to live off human flesh and to wear the skin of their enemies as a disguise, thus making Big Boss even cooler/awesomer/sexier. Hideo Kojima is praising it as the best stealth game ever. Those are big words coming from the stealth game master himself.

Half Life 2 Episode 3 is going to be broken into parts and sub-sectional releases. Half Life 2 Episode 3 Part 1-A will be released “when its done” and will feature Dog as the main character. The new instalment in the series will be available for the PC and Xbox 360. Valve has said that Episode 3 Part 1-A might be released for the PS3 if enough children prey to God and/or EA. Parts 1-B and 1-C are slatted to be released after Valve makes up their minds.

The Pokemon series of Gameboy games seems like it’s going to continue beating a dead horse with the release of Pokemon Coal and Pokemon Petrified Wood in the typical trend of splitting one game into two parts to rip off children. A possible third game could come out with parts of Petrified Wood and parts of Coal, with a few small new features, but overall is just a third game that’s the same as the first two.

Due next month, Hardcore Mario Party for the Wii will have new features that include lasers, strobe lights, and the ability to buy LCD to enhance gameplay. The creators also admitted that the previous Mario Parties in the series were obviously intended to be drinking games and that they were glad Nintendo finally allowed them freedom in the creative decisions. Our favorite new mini game, hands down, is Mario Knife Fight in which players can knife fight to the death with the Wiimote. Hardcore Mario Party is said to come with a free lamp shade.

A preview of the next Nintendo Wii system seems to lack the HD support that its fan base currently demands and seems to be just a Gamecube that runs Fortran. We’ve heard it’s going to be controlled using only eye movements and all previous Nintendo games will be ported to the new system instead of actually producing new, quality games. Nintendo proudly refered to the controller-less product as a “wonderful innovation” that will revolutionize the gaming industry once again.

Information on the next instalment of the award winning Crysis series  has been leaked. Notably, the most outstanding detail we could find was that Crysis: Ultimate will require at least DirectX 12, 32GB of RAM, 2 TB of HD space, and a Hadron Collider to run at 720p. When we looked for the suggested specific requirements for the full resolution, we only found the words “The truth is out there,” written in green, slime themed writing.

Nintendo has released its roster of games to be released in the next year, including Nursing Home Wii, Slaps, Rock Paper Scissors Extreme, and 33 exercise games.