Crazy Hand was pronounced dead at 3:05am this morning as a result of a massive cocaine overdose in the White Glove Gentleman’s Club last night. Apparently Crazy Hand had taken five times the fatal amount of cocaine and collapsed in the men’s room after patrons had noticed he was sweating and twitching more than usual. He was rushed to the ER, but died in the ambulance on the way there.

The passing of the famous Crazy Hand has come as no surprise though. As a notorious abuser of narcotics, Crazy Hand got his start as Michael Jackson’s left hand. This is when Crazy Hand first came into contact with the white lady, but as Micheal’s career fell, so did Crazy Hand’s. His career peaked again after a few years and he was featured in such video games as Super Smash Brother: Melee, but was extremely hard to get on the set for production due to his unprofessional punctuality and because of the fact that he was constantly tweaked on cocaine. The producers wanted him gone, but his brother, Master Hand, fought for him and even managed to get him a reprisal guest role on Super Smash Brothers: Brawl. After Brawl, he was too far gone though and started a downward spiral to his final fate.

Crazy Hand always lived life to the fullest and he will be missed. In commemoration of Crazy Hand, July 30th will be Crazy Hand Day at the A Button from here on out. Use his uninhibited ways as lesson to us all and bless his fiery soul.

Tragedy strikes a small middle class family this week due to the loss of their son in an unfortunate accident.  Hours after the incident, formal charges were filed against Polyphony Digital as it seems the boy was strongly influenced by the game Gran Tursimo 5.  History presents cases of kids being influenced by the likes of wrestling games and by first person shooters to the extent of losing their grasp on reality, and Billy was no exception.  His case was not nearly as cut and dry though as the boy who shot cars on the interstate after playing Grand Theft Auto 3. Billy’s case is much more complex.

The cause of death is one most unbecoming of what would be expected of someone addicted to a racing video game.  Billy did not pass away while ain a police chase, nor while car jacking, and not even a speeding ticket was given. In fact, Billy’s untimely end did not occur behind a real steering wheel at all.  It appears that the boy was killed while trying to tune the gear ratios in his mother’s Ford Pinto when the jack gave way, crushing the poor kid.  The worst part of this accident is that it was not the weight of the car that killed poor Billy, but rather the fact that when the car fell on him, an unfortunate series of events followed which resulted in the rear bumper to be pushed in, rupturing the gas tank, and the car consequently exploding.  The case presented against Polyphony appears to be strong at this point, but we will keep you updated as it unfolds.

Chris Black, an alias to preserve anonymity, has been in a very dark place. As a WOWcoholic, he finds it hard to function in everyday life as a normal person and alienates his friends and family. It’s a big problem and Chris has begun to get the help he needs. Let’s start at the beginning though.

For Chris, like most WOWcoholics, the Best Buy gaming section was his gateway entry. It all started one day when he went in for a simple flash drive and picked up a demo of World of Warcraft out of curiosity. Chris said, “I mean it was only three dollars and if I didn’t like it, I could just stop playing anytime I wanted.” After many nights passed, and many showers were missed, Chris was fully hooked.

He began peeing in bottles instead of taking a break to use the bathroom. He complained and vented on the forums when the servers were down for maintenance, even though it happens every week at the same time. He had all the signs of a WOWcoholic.

When Chris told his big brother James that he wanted to be a WOW gold farmer in China when he grew up, Chris’ family knew it was time to confront the problem head on.

His parents intervened directly and canceled his Warcraft account. The events that followed were typical of a serious MMO withdrawal, much like what is seen below. We warn you that this example footage is graphic.

Once the initial shock of going cold turkey wore off and Chris came to his senses, he began to scheme. Getting desperate for the rush of a raid, Chris resorted to less than admirable solutions.

“I got into drugs to make money to scrap together money for a laptop and an account to hide from my parents. I once blacked out from drinking with a shady client trying to seal a deal and woke up naked in an alley covered in cocaine and blood. When I logged back on, my character had increased two levels but was missing half his items as well. The moment that really cleared the smoke for me though, was when I realized I had contracted oral herpes from another male player after doing him favors in person in order to get 50 gold to buy an item I wanted. I realize I have a problem and I have started the steps that I need to take to be free from my addiction.”

Best of luck Chris, best of luck.

Square Enix has finally said that they will stop pulling every one’s legs and chains by titling games like they are the last in a series, a marketing move that has worked pretty well for the past 22 years. The company has announced Final-Final Fantasy 666, the final game in the Final Fantasy series. Slated to release in December 2012, the game will most likely end the world and fulfill the prophecies of the Internet. Details are scarce, but we do know it will be the last game you’ll want to play before you die (serious). We DO know that the game will take on the usual Final Fantasy format by being about one school semester long in play time and being about as addicting as PCP.  So in three years, you can look forward to purchasing the end of game series that will start the beginning of the end.

These days, many games are released and down-loadable content (DLC)  is released  at later point for a small fee to add features onto the game to try and keep the game fresh for players who have already beat the campaign. Also, it keeps players that mostly play games online happy. Anything from weapons, to entire campaign modes are added.  Well EA seems to think they understand the whole DLC concept and has decided to make a DLC-only game for online play. There is no actual game core, the game must be assembled by purchasing parts to form a working model. Players can choose what maps, guns, characters, and plot concepts they like, and buy them to make their own version of the game. Don’t like having to save a princess? Leave that part out (she wasn’t that cute anyway). Ever wanted to kill that princess? Buy it. Do you like being the villain and blowing lots of $#!* up? Definitely buy that part. Only buy the parts you want to make a game all your own. We all know it’ll end up showing your worst side though and be nothing but betrayal and explosions (still better than Punisher: No Mercy though).

EA has announced that Madden 2010 will be available on the iPhone 3GS due to the new iPhone’s faster processor and more RAM. The iPhone version of the game will sport motion sensing and Wii-like features, thus taking full advantage of the iPhone 3GS’ internal compass and accelerometers. To throw a the pass, players must take the iPhone in the throwing hand and pretend to throw the ball. The accelerometers detect this motion, and register it as a pass. The internal compass controls which way the player is facing and movement is controlled via the touchscreen. So, to move the player, you must face the direction you want to go, and use the touchscreen to move the player forward. To change direction, the user must turn as the player in the game would. To tackle, players must perform a diving motion to register the hit. Kicking is performed by strapping the iPhone to one’s ankle and performing a kicking motion. To make aiming easier, if you kick to the left or  to the right, the iPhone will detect this and adjust the kick accordingly. Madden 2010 on the iPhone 3GS will release along side the console editions and will cost $19.99 from the App Store.

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The first Nintendo Gym opened today in downtown Tokyo. Exercise machines throughout the gym consist of Wii’s with special custom software that can be used in many different ways, though players customers have complained about having to put in a quarter to play to exercise. These custom machines have all been outfitted with the Wii’s new and revolutionary Wii Vitality sensor so that heart rates and calories burned can be tracked during workouts. Yoga classes are instructed by Wii Fit and boxing classes can be taken with Punch-Out!!. Custom exercise programs can even be tailored to each customer so that anyone can get their Mii body looking the way they want it. Nintendo Gym is open 24 hours and Nintendo recommends you take a break every 10 to 15 min while exercising. Also, anyone who has had a seizure, loss of awareness, or other symptom linked to an epileptic condition should consult a doctor before working out at the Nintendo Gym.

These days the acronym MMO is familiar to most gamers, especially our PC friends.  However, it is impossible to mention MMOs without paying homage to the first Everquest.  With its release, players were allowed to perform a seemingly unlimited number of quests in what appeared to be an infinite realm.  Well apparently it wasn’t enough.  Sony Online Entertainment and Verant Interactive have found a way to give an entirely new experience to the players.  And what, might you ask, could you possibly incorporate into a game that does not end?  How about expansion packs taken intravenously.  That’s right, instead of the traditional expansion disc, expansion packs will come neatly packaged in sterile syringes to be injected directly into the bloodstream. These expansion packs allow players to play Everquest 2 constanly tweeked and on the edge so they can feel just like their in game players. This announcement gives whole new meaning to the infamous nickname of the game: “Ever-crack”.  You can expect to pick these expansions up in retail stores, as well as unique variants available in a dark ally near you, starting fall 2009.